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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101662">The Beginning of Things</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/relativelybookish/pseuds/relativelybookish'>relativelybookish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), jily, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 04:34:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/relativelybookish/pseuds/relativelybookish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How Remus, and then Sirius, realise they are a) queer and b) in love with the other. </p><p>Remus is a slow burn, Sirius is a hot mess.</p><p>Features many of my favourite headcanons which I have borrowed with utmost gratitude to those who wrote them originally.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The First Year: How it all Begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Because this chapter takes place in their first year, when they are 11, you can expect only wholesome storytelling and scene setting for this and the second chapter, xx.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mr and Mrs Black were pleased to say they were from a very long line of extremely pure-blooded witches and wizards, thank you very much. </p><p>Regulus Black was pleased to say that at least he had a brother, and they were in this together, and they would survive their extremely blood-proud family together, thanks very much. </p><p>Sirius Black was not pleased. Not as far as his family were concerned, anyway. He was, however, pleased that his family were so blood-proud they had refused to accompany their oldest son into Kings Cross Station, where they might have to mingle with muggles - or possibly, and even more disgustingly, blood traitors - and so had simply delivered him to the station with his owl and suitcase, and left. Leaving was possibly the best example they could have set for him to follow, Sirius thought, as he sat patiently on top of his suitcase and waited for the train to show any signs of life. </p><p>He was a lonely figure. He had the trademark dark hair-pale skin combination of his family, and he'd let his hair grow much longer than his mother approved of. It fell in loose curls to shield his angular face and dull grey eyes, and he picked at rough nails as he thought.</p><p>Sirius had been dropped at the station over an hour early, like a piece of freight that one would really prefer to move along quickly. He'd made his own way through the magical barrier at Platform 9 3/4, and he intended to continue making his own way through life, if possible, or at the very least his own way through Hogwarts. He hoped, with a strength he had never hoped for anything in his life, that Hogwarts would be a place beyond his parents reach. Thinking of all the brilliant things he would do now that he was away from that awful house, Sirius remained relatively lost in thought as the Platform picked up in activity. His thoughts turned to the task of making friends, and he started to notice the crowd swelling around him. </p><p>There is considerable noise involved in getting a train ready to leave, not to mention all the hubbub and chatter as students of all ages began farewelling parents and siblings, greeting friends, and stowing luggage. Sirus was overwhelmed by the volume of people, by the noise of them, and by the sheer intensity of the emotions they seemed to exude. Though Sirius was used to loud voices, he hadn't the heard whoops of joy that young people here seemed comfortable to make before, or a parent yelling encouragement to a blushing first year. Raised voices at Grimmauld Place were a warning, a chance to get out of arms' reach before anger was expressed... non-verbally. Sirius glowed in the positivity of the crowd, until he caught the tail end of a debate between a girl and a boy who looked like they might be fellow first years. </p><p>"- but how do you KNOW Sev?" the girl with auburn red hair asked. "How do you know you'll be in Slytherin? Can I be in Slytherin with you too?"</p><p>"I just will Lil." replied the skinny boy walking with her. Sirius couldn't help noting a bit of instant dislike for the boy - possibly the greasiness of his lank black hair, or his slightly beaky nose which seemed custom-built for disdain, or possibly it was the confidence the boy seemed to have that he would end up sorted into the house of Sirius' parents. "My family is, so I will be. Plus it's the best house. The most powerful wizards end up in Slytherin. You might be - but your family aren't wizards, so you'll probably be in a different house. Maybe Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff. Not Gryffindor, you're too good for Gryffindor."</p><p>Sirus was pleased when the pair finally moved out of earshot, but it was too late - sorting! He'd been so busy thinking about making friends and adventuring, he'd completely forgotten that he still had to get through the sorting ceremony. Sirius had dreaded this day for as long as he'd known about it. He remembered his parents teaching him and Reggie about the houses when they were both quite young. Sirius was in trouble, again, because he'd accidentally changed the snake patterns on their bedroom wallpaper to happy little gold lions, after he'd told Regulus a night time story about a brave lion called Leo who defeated all nightmare monsters. His mother in particular was disgusted, claiming he was letting down the family, and that lions were stupid, arrogant animals who didn't believe in keeping magic pure. It was all a bit much for Regulus, who had cried every time lions were mentioned until he was seven. </p><p>While Sirius didn't cry at every lion mention, he too had been shaken by the lesson his mother screamed at them that night. Since then he'd kept secret his suspicions that he wasn't powerful or cunning enough to get in to Slytherin. He'd put on a brave face instead, and told Reg stories about snakes that grew arms so they could hold each others hands, and on bad nights, he and his younger brother would pretend to be snakes, wriggling in their beds, growing arms, and reaching out to hold hands across the gap between their beds.</p><p>Sirius hoped he wouldn't be in Gryffindor.</p>

<p> Sirius hoped even more that he wouldn't be in Slytherin.</p><p> </p><p>________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Among the bustle of people along the Hogwarts platform, another boy sat quietly watching people too. </p><p>Remus Lupin was subdued, from his behaviour to his choice of clothes, and was tall for his age, but slouched inwards, as though hoping to make less noise by being smaller. Despite his posture, Remus was easily noticed. He had honey brown hair, and a full set of delicate lips, but his face was dominated by a series of jagged, parallel scars running across his face. The first scar started worryingly close to his eye, the second travelled across a subtly crooked nose, and the third bisected his top lip. He was chewing on his bottom lip, and sitting on his suitcase as far from the train as he could get, waiting and watching, as though trying to learn through observation as much as he could about the throng of people before he was required to join the melee.

Remus had never seen so many people together at once, in one place. It was a lot to take in, the bright robes and big families all so different from his own small unit - Remus, his mother, Hope and his father,  Lyall. The Lupin family didn't socialise much, and Remus was keenly aware that he was the reason for his own sheltered upbringing. The boy fidgeted while he contemplated all the new experiences he was about to embark on. Being so far from his parents, not knowing if he would be able to hide his condition from his room mates, having to sleep in a bed that wasn't his, and most intimidating of all: having to learn a new routine for each full moon while he was at school. Remus was understandably quite concerned about the departure from his very structured life, and Remus, a thoughtful, otherwise regular child, was a werewolf. </p><p>Unlike Sirius, Remus was not at the Station alone. His parents were standing by the train, in animated discussion with the largest and bushiest man Remus had ever seen. They were telling the giant bristly human about Remus' problem and Remus was NOT impressed. They'd already written to both the Headmaster of Hogwarts and the Head of Gryffindor and Hufflepuff houses ("you could go either way Rems, darling, you could be like your mother or you could follow in your dad's footsteps, aye?") but now they seemed determined to let every Hogwarts staff member know in person too! </p><p>Remus was trying hard to maintain his attitude of teenager-ly irritation, but was secretly glad someone else knew, and would be there to keep an eye on him. </p><p>He slid off his suitcase as his parents came over, beaming, with the humungous hairy figure. "Hiya Remus!" He boomed, lowering his huge head to approximately a foot above Remus' face.<br/>
"Glad to hear you'll be joining us this year, I've always wanted to meet a werewolf! You're awfully young to have scars like that, 'entcha? Anyways, I'm Rubeus, Rebeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts and your mam and pop have asked me to keep an eye on you, while you get settled in." He paused a bit, seeming to be waiting for a response, but Remus was too shocked to respond. Who on EARTH wanted to meet a werewolf? What could he say to such an odd thing? </p><p>"If you're free on Wensdee, you can pop on down to my wee hut and have a bit o' cake, I'm famous for my chocolate cake recipe." At this Remus warmed a bit. He did like cake, and he loved chocolate. </p><p>"I'm free, I think." He managed to squeak out, projecting his voice into the mass of wirey hair that seemed to constitute a beard for this man. </p><p>"Rightcha are then!" The big man's face cracked into a grin Remus thought could almost have swallowed a lesser 11 year old whole. "Best get you on the train before you miss it!" And with that, he reached behind Remus and lifted the suitcase over the boys astonished head. "Say your goodbyes and we'll head off to Hogwarts - best place to be it is, best place indeed!" </p><p>Remus turned quickly to his parents and grabbed them into a hug.</p><p>"I'll be okay, I can do this. I think I'll be fine!" He mumbled into their embrace.</p><p>"Of course you will sweetie," His mum whispered into his hair. "We always knew you would. We love you." </p><p>"Best not forget to write us though," Remus' dad said gently. "Bye son. You'll do great!"</p><p>Remus pulled out of the hug, grinned at his parents and ran toward the now packed train. "Bye! Send me owls! Don't forget the chocolate!" He called as he reached the train door. Remus waved furiously, hoping that although he hadn't said it, his parents would know how much he loved them.</p><p> </p><p>________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Further along the platform, two other boys were saying hurried goodbyes as well. A small, sandy blond boy awkwardly hugged his equally awkward, timid-looking parents goodbye, and tripped on his untied laces as he struggled to hoist a very worn suitcase into the luggage hold. Peter Pettigrew only had room for one emotion today, and he was NERVOUS. </p><p>The other boy was a contrast to the first in almost every way: visibly athletic and with energy that seemed barely contained within his body's physical edges. This boy had severely unruly black hair, dark cocoa skin, and warm brown eyes framed with quite dorky spectacles that appeared to be in a constant state of falling off the boy's nose. He pulled each of his parents into a bone crushing hug that lasted too long for the boy's enthusiasm and not nearly long enough for his parents. They were older than most of the parents there, but James Potter loved Euphemia and Fleamont more than anything in the world and he knew they knew it. </p><p>"Bye mum, bye dad, love you!" He exclaimed as they wedged his luggage in for him and waved happily at the back of a retreating disaster they were honestly going to miss while he was away for school. James launched himself into the train just as it started moving, and as he turned to return the kisses his parents were blowing his way, he heard a panicked cry from below his feet. </p><p>"Wait!" cried Peter, stumbling toward the moving train door, "WAIT!"</p><p>"Jump!" commanded James, holding out a hand for the mousey lad. </p><p>Peter looked startled, but leapt and grabbed James' hand, and was pulled safely into the carriage. </p><p>"Alright there mate?" James clapped Peter on the shoulder and started pumping his hand up and down. "Bit of a close call there! You sure live on the edge! I'm James Potter, glad to meet you. Are you a first year too? I'm just so glad to be finally going, I can't wait to be sorted, and meet my dormies, and have a feast...!" </p><p>Peter suspected James stopped talking because he'd started thinking about food. "I'm- er - Peter. Pettigrew. I'm first year too. I hope I'm in Gryffindor."</p><p>"Gosh wouldn't it be great if we both end up in Gryffindor!" James had an infectious grin, and Peter decided he needed a friend like James. Hogwarts would be much easier to navigate with his own personal firework of a friend. "Let's get a seat before all the good ones are taken - I'd hate to end up trapped in a compartment with a bunch of Slytherins, wouldn't you?"</p><p> </p><p>________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Sirius had managed to find an empty compartment, and somehow, probably involving his visibly deteriorating mood, had managed to keep any other students out. Until, that is, a human firework discovered the spacious compartment. Sirius turned his peeled his cold, staring gaze away from the window as the compartment door slid open. </p><p>"- in here Pete, mate, there's only one guy!" James caught Sirius' eye as he strode into the compartment and flopped into a seat. Noticing Sirius' expression his face changed considerably, showing nothing but concern for the other boy. "You must be a first year too - but you don't look too pleased to be getting away from it all? Are you worried you'll miss your parents?"</p><p>Sirius paused. "Not worried... I'm - I'm Sirius." </p><p>"Yes very serious, but about what, in particular?"</p><p>Sirus face broke up into confused delight. "No, I'm Sirius Black. It's my name." </p><p>James let out a whoop of surprise followed by deep belly laughter. "That's great! Sirius! Sirius Black! What a name. I'm James Potter and this is Petey, I forgot his last name but we just met this minute." James slowed, presumably to regain some air in his lungs, and Peter smiled at Sirius, sliding into the seat next to him. James furrowed his eyebrows at Sirius. "Say, you aren't from the House of Black are you? That big... family?" </p><p>Sirius sighed internally. Of course it was too good to be true, to think that he'd have made a friend on day one, on the train, before even really arriving. Now they'd realised who his family was, this somewhat chaotic boy was surely going to move along and take the other normal-seeming boy with him. "Yes, that family. Unfortunately." he sighed, twisting back toward the window. </p><p>"Ah well, can't help who you're related to can you? I've a great uncle who dresses like a muggle priest and goes round making people speak in tongues and witness "miracles" and stuff because he likes to drink their holy wine!" </p><p>Peter nodded gravely at this outburst and contributed "We have a cousin who got really into herbology at school and now her house is made totally of trees and sometimes she lets animals sleep in her hair." </p><p>James gave him a wonky grin at that and Sirius found himself gently chuckling. </p><p>The three boys all looked up as the compartment door slid open a second time. A tall, flustered looking boy stood in the doorway, fiddling with the sleeve of his large, woollen, beige, jersey. "Is it okay if I sit here? The train is packed, I checked everywhere else but there's barely any space and I couldn't find any... first years." Remus finished his sentence with the sleeve inching toward his mouth. </p><p>"Get in here mate, this is the First Year Adventure Compartment, first stop Hogwarts, second stop Gryffindor Tower if I have my way!" </p><p>Remus sighed in obvious relief and slid the door closed behind him, perching beside James and diagonally across from Sirius, who hadn't stopped staring since the door opened. </p><p>"Is everyone hoping Gryffindor?" continued James. </p><p>"I hope so," Peter said wistfully. </p><p>"Definitely." Remus was pretty confident he'd prefer being a Gryffindor like his mum to being Hufflepuff like his dad. He'd always felt like red and gold were good, cosy colours, and by Merlin he hoped he could be brave. </p><p>"I haven't really thought about it." Sirius muttered. </p><p>"Yeah. I guess you're probably hoping for Slytherin, right? Like the family?" James looked genuinely interested. Sirius missed James expression of earnestness, and whipped his head up.</p><p>"I'm NOTHING like my family." Sirius' eyes were brighter than they'd ever been as they flashed angrily at James, and his voice was colder than he expected it to be. </p><p>"Gryffindor it is then!" James chortled loudly, and Peter and Remus grinned. "We really could all be in the same dorm! What luck, meeting all my dormies on the train before we even arrive! I dibs the room nearest the door, I'm hoping I can get on the Quidditch Team as soon as I'm old enough and I'll be training this year, probably in the mornings, so I'm ready to make the team in second year." </p><p>"What position?" Although Sirius was smiling, his eyes hadn't lost the shimmer, and Remus couldn't help but think the boy with his dark, loose curls, flawless pale skin and shining grey eyes was striking, to say the least.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Second Year: How it all Continues</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus learns some Queer things. </p><p>Sirius decides the gang needs to DO SOMETHING about Remus' Furry Little Problem.</p><p>James and Peter work out what the thing to do is.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>They're in second year, so they're 12/13, so still wholesome content at this stage.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall at Hogwarts.</p><p>"If you think for one second the HARPIES stand a CHANCE of beating the Chudley Cannons, you are grossly mistaken and not nearly as clever as you think you are!" proclaimed a red-in-the-face James Potter, brandishing a sausage impaled on his fork across the table at a bed-headed boy in a baby blue woollen jersey. </p><p>Remus Lupin sighed, scrunching up his nose at the sausage, which he felt smelled particularly greasy today, and looked directly across the table at James, both resigned to the argument and hoping it would end as swiftly as it started.</p><p>"I don't care who wins, James," he drawled mockingly. "I'm just glad Wales has representation in the semi-finals this year.” His tone suggested i he also didn't care to be having this debate, again. </p><p>Peter caught Sirius' eye from his spot on the far side of Remus and rolled his watery blue eyes. The sausage swung round and ended up under Peter's nose.</p><p>"And don't think I didn't see that, Petey, I know you're rooting for the Cannons secretly!”</p><p>Peter huffed and muttered something about only supporting teams that had made it to the semis, unlike Puddlemere… </p><p>Before Sirius had a chance to join the discussion, the post owls swooped in overhead. James' owl deposited his usual letter - a pink floral border to the envelope this time, one of the many iconic trademarks of Euphemia Potter - neatly onto the table in front of him.</p><p>This week, even Peter received a school owl deliver him a plain envelope, one of the few yearly letters from his folks.</p><p>Remus had an extra large package, wrapped cosily with brown paper and string. He tended to get these parcels every month, in the day or two leading up to the full moon. Generally they contained lots of chocolate, and often a variety of soothing balms and herbal teas. This parcel looked to be squishier than usual, so it probably contained a new uniquely Hope Lupin woolly jersey - too big and often lumpy, but always made from the softest fibres, in colours that could only be described as comforting. The boys were used to these monthly preparations, having figured out within the first half of the year what seemed to be afflicting their friend.<br/>
 </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
Remus hadn't been thrilled when they'd confronted him. He'd just been released from the Hospital Wing and Madame Pomfrey's admonishing attention, only to open the door to his dorm to find three of his room mates, his best friends, waiting for him on their respective beds. Remus hadn't had the energy to pretend it was normal to return from two days away 'sick' with bruising and cuts all over his body.  Normally, cuts and bruises were healed in a matter of seconds by a witch as experienced as Madame Pomfrey. Unfortunately, Remus’ wounds were self inflicted during his ‘time of the month’, and were therefore magical in their nature, and had to be healed normally. Luckily, they tended to heal a bit faster than a non-magical wound would heal without magical intervention, so he could generally get away with just laying low for an extra day and hoping his classmates had more interesting things to focus on. </p><p>This time, however, he hadn't managed to cover up his cut and scarred arms, because somewhere in the process of his transformation his favourite mustard jersey had been ruined. Instead, he'd crept back to the dorm at dinner time in a too-big pair of lost-property pyjama pants, hospital-issue slippers, and a plain t-shirt that Remus highly suspected had been shrunk. He’d planned entirely on everyone being safely down in the Great Hall so he could collapse directly into his four poster and draw the curtains before the other boys returned. It was, after all, a long walk from the Hospital Wing to the Gryffindor tower. </p><p>His plans for a quiet return were not plans the other boys had shared. When Remus staggered in, they’d all been assembled in the dorm, each seated on the end of their respective bed, with the remains of what was clearly contraband from the kitchens scattered across the room. They'd watched gravely as he entered, sighing at their serious faces, before shuffling across the dorm to take his own place sitting on the end of his bed.</p><p>“Remus."</p><p>"James," Remus mocked the solemn tone of his friend.</p><p>"Re..." Sirius looked helpless, his eyes pleading with Remus. Peter wouldn't raise his eyes to meet Remus'.</p><p>"What's up, guys? Not hungry tonight?" Remus tried to be flippant as he grabbed a new sweater from the floor and tugged it gently over his long arms and body.</p><p>"Remus, we know what you are." James said this softly, and Remus could feel them all looking at him as his cheeks flushed.</p><p>"So?" The question stabbed at the group, Remus not lifting his eyes, and raising his sleeve to his mouth, as he tended to do when thinking or worrying. "Shall I go then?"</p><p>"GO?" Sirius' voice broke on the question. "You can't GO, Remus. You can't go. We - we need you. You're our friend. You make the best pranks, and you get us out of trouble!"</p><p>Remus peeped at the earnest boy on the next bed and flushed. "I have to. You aren't meant to know. It's not - I'm not - not - safe to be around." he finished quietly.</p><p>James snorted at this. "Us knowing about you doesn't make you any less safe than you have been so far, Remus, honestly." He grinned. "Pete actually guessed last month, but we've been doing research since then to make sure we got it right." Remus glanced at Peter, who gave him a small, honest smile.</p><p>"Guys, I'm a werewolf. A dangerous monster. I'm a beast. I don't know what I'm doing when I turn, and I - I think I hurt people."</p><p>"I'm from the worst family in magical history, and I haven't cut my hair in a year!" Sirius said, defiantly. Remus' jaw dropped, and he turned again to look at Sirius in utter disbelief.</p><p>"Siri, that is not the same thing..."</p><p>"Yeah, but it's pretty shit mate, so quit complaining. I didn't even get a birthday card this year, because they're so disgusted I ended up in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. So, you know, don't feel like you get all the bad juju."</p><p>James stood up. "Sirius is right. We all have tough stuff to deal with, like last week Lily Evans got a better grade on her potions essay and I misspelled 'frogspawn' when I wrote her a very insulting note, so now she's acting all high-and-mighty and what-not. The point is, we're all here for you mate, we won't tell anyone and we'll help cover for you." He grinned slyly at Remus.</p><p>"Only if you want us to, of course."</p><p>From then on, the boys had covered for their friend every month without fail. James took beautifully written notes in what was almost an exact copy of his mother's flowery handwriting that he gave to Remus for each class he missed, Peter made sure Remus always had a clean sweater waiting in the Hospital Wing, and folded neatly on the end of his four poster when he returned, and Sirius... Sirius was there when Remus woke up. Sirius collected anecdotes to relay to Remus so he didn't feel he'd missed anything, and carefully and expertly gaslighted their whole year (and by proxy, the whole school) into thinking Remus had been in class, at dinner, watching the Quidditch game, or in the common room and they'd just not noticed because "the kid is always stuck in a book! You'd never see him at all if it wasn't for the breathing!"</p><p> <br/>
____________</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
Sirius was used to not getting letters. Sirius LIKED not getting letters from his parents. He preferred it, even. He did still wish his parents would acknowledge his birthday. He was the first in his friend group to turn thirteen, and this year the third of November was shaping up to slip quietly by, as it had last year, without his parents even acknowledging his existence. The owls were clearing out of the great hall and the boys stood, gathering their things.</p><p>As Sirius began to swing his leg over the bench, a sleek Dusky Barn Owl swooped over his head, depositing a large white envelope of thick parchment on the table. It was addressed to 'Sirius Orion'. Sirius guessed his mother was as reluctant to remind him of their shared name as he was to be reminded. The boys all went quiet.</p><p>"Gosh. Must be your birthday card early, mate." James said, though not without suspicion in his voice.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah probably. That'll be it." Sirius looked down at the letter with his face betraying no excitement at the prospect. He didn't move to pick it up.</p><p>"Right. Well. We'd best be getting on then, team." James cajoled Peter and Remus along, and Sirius snatched the letter up from the table, shoving it into his bag for later.</p><p>"Yeah, let's get a move on," he echoed, hollowly. Remus and James exchanged a glance - it seemed like some of the light had faded in Sirius' eyes.</p><p>They all know Sirius hated going home. He'd been giddy with excitement when the group found each other on the platform at the start of the school year, a massive contrast to the melancholy Sirius who they'd said their goodbyes to before the summer.</p><p>All morning, Sirius seemed duller than usual, his hair limper and his laugh softer and shorter. At lunch, he excused himself, retreating to the sanctuary of his four poster bed, and pulling the crisp white paper from his bag. He gripped the letter with more strength than was strictly necessary, contemplating whether to read it, burn it, or burn himself with it.</p><p>Opening it, he extracted just one sheet of paper. It was short. To the point. And each word cut Sirius like a knife.</p><p>"Don't come home for Christmas, we'll be celebrating Regulus' birthday in the New Year and don't want it spoiled."<br/>
 </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
Through the silencing charm around his bed, Sirius could hear muffled talking. He decided it was time. Flinging the bed curtains back he grinned thinly at James and Remus, who seemed to have been in the middle of a wrestle.</p><p>"Sirius." James tossed his hair.</p><p>"We were just - " Remus looked slightly out of breath.</p><p>"... fighting?" Sirius was getting more used to these loud, strange friends, but he certainly hadn't expected that.</p><p>"They were fighting to decide which one would pull you out of bed." Peter said nonchalantly from the doorway. "James was winning, but, like, just."</p><p>The two boys looked appropriately bashful, and looked intently to Sirius.</p><p>"So did you open it, Siri?"</p><p>"Was it a card?"</p><p>They spoke together, wearing matching smiles of encouragement.</p><p>"Oh that. Yeah, nah, nothing much to report. The usual. Family disappointment and all that." Sirius widened his eyes hopefully. "Are you all staying for Christmas this year? I was thinking it would be a great time to get some serious prep in for a lot of extra-good pranks, whatcha reckon?"</p><p>Remus scuffed the floor with his boot, seeming fascinated by the head of a nail peeping crookedly out through a floor board. "It's a moon... I'm going home, my parents want me there so they can keep an eye on me..."</p><p>Peter shrugged, looking mostly at a spot that seemed to exist right below Sirius' left shoulder. "My parents aren't super into Christmas so we always end up visiting family in Berkshire. I'd much rather stay here, but I end up babysitting my cousins most of the break, so I probably have to go."</p><p>Sirius turned to James, who was combing his fingers through his hair, looking more tired than he had a right to be. "Shit mate, I have to go. Mum loves Christmas and she'd be wrecked if I didn't make it."</p><p>Sirius closed his eyes and turned away, squeezing back the tears biting at his eyelids. "...right. Yeah, no, good. That's good, I'll get some planning done, and we can write, and it's just a week... and a bit..." He trailed off as his voice became shaky.</p><p>James let out a whoop. "Siri! Come to mine! Mum will LOVE having you there, and we can play quidditch with my dad, you'll love it! It'll be the best! And we can plan pranks together, all summer!"</p><p>Sirius didn't dare hope, but James looked so thrilled with his idea that Sirius agreed to let him write home and ask if the Potters would mind having Sirius over for the holidays.</p><p>The Potters, of course, were delighted. They'd heard from James enough about how Sirius was treated in the Black household to know that the boy would be feeling pretty awful about the whole thing. Euphemia started organising right away - "but what does he EAT James???" her letters demanded. By the time Sirius arrived, very quietly behind their bounding, bouncing, catastrophe of a son, the Potters had made up a bed, bought, wrapped and hidden presents, prepared all of their family Christmas traditions for four instead of three, and had cooked and prepared every food James had bothered to report Sirius not-hating.</p><p>Sirius warmed up to the family pretty soon, and began to enjoy himself, more than he ever had at Christmas. In fact, he was pretty sure he enjoyed Christmas with the Potters more than he'd ever enjoyed anything in his life.</p><p> </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
After the holidays, Sirius and James returned to Hogwarts so closely knit, they may as well have been brothers. Fleamont ruffled both boys hair as they turned to leave, and whispered quietly to his wife as they departed - "I think they both belong to us now."</p><p>Euphemia gazed up at her greying husband, and thought if they weren't already, she would marry this man on the spot. "I think you might be right with that one, love," she sighed into his embrace.</p><p> </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
"Yoo hoo, get UP sleepy heads!" James burst into the dorm, waving his broom like a maniac. "This is a Very Important Day! I need the whole team present and ready for action!"</p><p>"- yames... no." a sleepy voice rose from Peter's bed.</p><p>"We aren't ON the team, dickhead," followed from the general direction of Sirius' bed.</p><p>
  <em>Sirius, in bed. </em>
</p><p>The thought of Sirius in bed, sprawled out, most likely shirtless, with wild hair was enough to shake Remus into what was almost wakefulness. He'd been dreaming about somebody shirtless. It had been a nice dream, Remus remembered. The memory of the rest of the dream briefly solidify in Remus' mind and with a sense of impending doom and disgust Remus let out an involuntary "eughr" and squished his face deeper into the pillow. </p><p>The shirtless figure in his dream was a boy he'd played with sometimes before coming to Hogwarts, a couple of years older, but the only one near enough to Remus' age to play with in the quiet cul-de-sac the Lupins occupied. The shirtless boy had been shirtless because Remus, in the dream, had helped him remove the shirt, had run his hands along the boys lean, broad shoulders, and then kissed him!</p><p>Remus decided now was not the time to dwell on dreams - they have no correlation with real life, anyway, and this was an anomaly. Just a strange anomaly, probably induced by too much cheese before bed or something. Remus hauled himself into a sitting position just as James blasted a massive gust through the dorm.</p><p>"I said up and at 'em folks!" he called in a passable, if very annoying attempt at Drill Sergeant Major Voice. "I need my squad on the sideline cheering me on! I need you guys! Also, Evans and Marlene will be there and I can't wait to see the look on her face - "</p><p>James was cut off by a retaliation blast from Sirius, who seemed resigned to the prospect of needing to acquire clothing in the immediate future, but not willing to listen to various complaints about the witches in their year who were currently on the receiving end of James' tactical brilliance.</p><p>James hurried off to the Quidditch pitch, fully robed and ready to warm up, still shaking his head at the unbearable laziness of his friends before noon on a weekend. Remus and Sirius took turns yawning and throwing clothes at a very sleepy Peter who seemed to only come awake when Sirius found a heavy boot and tossed it in the direction of his head. As the three of them made their way down to the Quidditch pitch, they fell into step behind none other than Lily Potter, with Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, and Mary Macdonald. The girls were laughing and seemed to be in high spirits. Remus ignored Sirius and Peter as they teased Lily and Marlene about the most recent prank initiated by James, which had caused a sealed note erupt in a puff of glittery blue smoke when opened during Wednesday's charms lesson. The note had remained intact, with a rough sketch of James that Remus had enchanted to blow kisses across the page. The gas had been cleverly charmed to stick to anyone exposed, which meant Lily and Marlene had maintained a metallic blue tinge all through Thursday and Friday. </p><p>Instead of joining in the banter between the girls, Sirius, and Peter, Remus felt his cheeks heat up as he remembered the dream he'd been having when James had so rudely interrupted him. He'd never had a dream that involved kissing before. He did often have vivid dreams, and some were quite firmly rooted in reality, but equally he'd had a dream about the giant squid taking a potions pop quiz while juggling bludgers (the squid was somehow getting good grades, despite waving its arms around incessantly, which annoyed Remus, even in dream-state). The question, he supposed, was whether or not this morning's dream was about kissing, or whether it was about kissing boys. One of these scenarios was going to be easier to deal with going forward, that's for sure. </p><p>"Oi Re," Sirius broke through Remus' train of thought, "sit next to Evans, I don't want Potter to hit me when he mistakes Lily’s head for the snitch." </p><p>"The chances of Potter seeing anything outside of his own ego are so slim, I think I'll be safe enough," Lily retorted acidly. </p><p>She did pat the seat next to her though, winking conspiratorially to Remus, so he slid onto the space beside her. "Marlene will be explaining the whole game to me, and you look like you'd rather not be here, so we can suffer together." </p><p>"I've heard grief shared is grief halved," Remus murmered under his breath to Lily. She giggled delightedly at that, tossing her auburn hair so it caught the sun over her shoulder, seeming to catch fire as it flew. Remus wondered suddenly why James bothered to fight with her. She seemed to have an identical fiery intensity about her - even if hers seemed more of a serious smoulder than a dazzling flame. </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>"REMUS!" Remus spun around, catching his foot on a rough stone under foot and very nearly toppling not only himself, but also the rickety table he was meant to be using as he filled a planter trough with compost. "Help! There's bits everywhere! Get the tub!" James was frantically peeling bits of Slithering Widow's Wort from the other table, his robes, and a furious looking Hufflepuff. Remus grabbed the almost full planter and transferred it to James' table, where they both set about throwing writhing pieces of the worm-like plant at the dark soil. </p><p>Once the nasty little chunks had all wriggled their hooked faces into the compost, James huffed and gave Remus a reproachful look. "You weren't listening to me at all, Remus Lupin!" </p><p>"Nothing good ever seems to have come of it before," returned Remus. </p><p>James' face turned teasing. "Go on, were you watching Midge Hasselthwaite? I bet you were! Your ears turned bright red!" </p><p>Remus scowled. "I absolutely wasn't and I can't believe you think so lowly of me." </p><p>"Aww she's pretty though! And plenty good at Quidditch, too. She's the second-best chaser on the Ravenclaw team and she only got in this season because Lucille Arbey got spooked when she got that awful cut from Lucius Malfoy's broom." </p><p>Remus turned back to his table and started scooping extra compost onto the all but vanished Worts. "I wasn't watching her, I was watching the Professor grab a Wort out of Amber Roulleigh's hair." Remus hoped James had been distracted enough by their own near-disaster that he wouldn't have noticed no Worts end up anywhere near Amber's hair. Remus had been looking at Amber's table, because she was working with Isaac Denton. </p><p>Isaac had white-blond hair that was light and fluffy looking, and just at that moment it seemed to Remus that the halo of blond was accumulating all the sunshine in the glasshouse, and quite possibly the entire world. He was a friendly guy, with gentle hands and a laugh that made Remus' stomach clench unpredictably. </p><p>Peter suddenly let out a startled yelp from the pair of tables next to them, and James leapt over to help the smaller boy pluck Worts from his face, where one appeared to be impersonating his left eyebrow and the other seemed determined to crawl up his nostril. Sirius was doubled over, laughing at Peter and wheezing from the exertion. </p><p>Remus flung a shovelful of compost in his direction, spattering Sirius' eternally pristine robes and angular face. It was perhaps fortunate that the class ended shortly after, before a full-on compost flinging debacle began. </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>Remus felt like he'd never manage to straighten his shoulders out again, he'd been crouching behind the enormous stack of books so long. He, Marlene, and Lily were gathered round a table near the stacks in the library, and Remus was beginning to feel he'd been brought here for reasons other than study. He was still working out whether the girls motives were interrogation, gossip, or if he was simply there as a piece of conveniently boy-shaped bait. </p><p>A large proportion of the conversation seemed to revolve around retaliating against James' blue-powder catastrophe, and the girls had very bluntly demanded he confess any knowledge of where the boys acquired such a cleverly constructed product. Remus had of course denied any knowledge of a method of acquisition, with an air of sincere innocence easily achieved, because Remus didn't know where James might have found such a brilliant prank item, because it was Remus himself who had done the acquiring - and the inventing.</p><p>Once the girls seemed (however incorrectly) satisfied with Remus’ innocence, he was welcomed into a conversation that seemed to open up a world of social nuance and observation that Remus had been previously unaware of (and which, he suspected, James, Sirius, and Peter were likely to remain unaware of for several years pending increased maturity). </p><p>"- and now, she's dating a muggle apparently!" squealed Marlene, with what seemed equal parts excitement and horror. </p><p>"How can she be dating a muggle, Marly? I thought Dorcas said she hasn't been home all summer?" Lily seemed perplexed. "Wasn't she at a Witches for Welsh Dragon Protection conference or something?" </p><p>"She was! She met a muggle lady in the pub while they were out collecting field samples and now they're together officially! They go out on dates where they both collect samples but Harriet collects dragon scales and dung, and her girlfriend thinks they're both moss ecologists or something." </p><p>"Harriet's dating a woman?" Remus had finally realised they were discussing the older sister of Dorcas Meadowes. "Isn't that - odd - or something?" </p><p>Marlene shot him a look of disgust. </p><p>"Really Remus!" chided Lily. "It's not odd at all. Girls can date girls and boys can date boys, there aren't actually RULES about who gets to date each other." She sighed, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. "What I'd like to know is why anyone would bother studying moss, let alone pretending to study it! Love is stupid." </p><p>"I think it's romantic." </p><p>"Mary, you think anything is romantic! I just think I'd rather know I was dating a witch, and not have to collect mosses anymore. Would you rather know?" Lily asked, drawing Remus back into the conversation. </p><p>Remus was struggling to think of an answer. All he could think was 'there aren't rules about who gets to date'. The phrase seemed to be stuck on a loop in his mind. </p><p>
  <em>There aren't any rules. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Girls can date girls. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Boys... could date boys... </em>
</p><p>Remus fell asleep wondering what the last one meant to him, and what it might mean to his friends. </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>"So. What were you up to in the library last night?" Peter looked curiously at Remus while pulling mismatching socks onto his feet. </p><p>"I was studying, for the Slithering Widow's Wort test, with Lily and Marlene," Remus said carefully, sitting on the floor with an open textbook on his lap, waiting for the others to finish dressing. </p><p>"OOOOOOHHHHOOOO!" The four-poster where Sirius normally slept shook violently before the curtains flew back to reveal a half-dressed boy, standing on his mattress, peering intently at the bright room. "Studying, aye? With Lily Evans of all people? Hear that James-wamesy, Lupin's been fraternising with the ENEMY!" </p><p>Remus and Peter shared an eye roll, while James writhed dramatically on his bed. "Wounded, Sirius, I am, just wounded, that my friend would go to such extreme measures to betray me, and I just gave him my last Bertie Bots Bean too!" </p><p>"You promised it was chocolate!" </p><p>"You never even ate it!" </p><p>"I could smell it wasn't chocolate!" Remus was sometimes (infrequently, but nevertheless... SOMETIMES) grateful for the heightened sense of smell around the full moon. </p><p>"YOU COULD HAVE LET ME GIVE IT TO SNIVELLUS THEN!" Remus laughed at this, as James threw himself onto his bed, tie draped across his shoulder. "This can't go on. Someone give the poor wolfy his chocolate to sharpen his evil master mind, I'm begging you!" </p><p>Sirius dived under his bed, pulling out a shoe-box which Remus caught scent of almost immediately. "Oh god, please tell me there's Whip-snappling Fizzbits Chocolate Bark in there, Siri," Remus begged. "It smells so goooood." His sharp senses were certainly an asset today, although they reminded him so painfully of the coming events that tomorrow felt like it was infiltrating that very morning. </p><p>"You're in luck Re, I have a whole block!" Sirius tossed a bar at Remus, who caught it and unwrapped it in the same movement. Sticking a chunk in his mouth, he asked, "Why do you have a stash of chocolate when you normally just break into the kitchens, Siri?" </p><p>”Just thought it'd be handy at moons, Re." </p><p>Remus looked at him, momentarily forgetting to chew. "You got it for me?" </p><p>"Well, sure." Sirius shoved his shirt into his pants and grabbed his tie off the windowsill. "I knew you'd need extra, because they're harder when it's cold, right?" </p><p>Remus nodded, swallowing slowly. The chunks of Whip-snappling Fizzbits seemed ridiculously sweet, like Remus’ face might be about to melt into a sugary goo. </p><p>The full moons were much harder in winter, which Remus put down to nights being longer. He hated how he'd always get extra cold the days right before the moon, but he'd learned to make the most of chocolate, steaming mugs of tea, and thick cosy jerseys like the ones his mum would send him. He hadn't realised Sirius had been keeping such a close eye on his transformations though, and he was touched. "Thanks, Siri." He held his face still, but felt a tingling heat spreading up the back of his neck when Sirius caught his eye and smiled down at him. </p><p>"No problem wolf-man!" </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>Remus felt like his eyes were full of grit. Or made of grit. He definitely felt like there was grit in, on, or around his eyes, and he did NOT want to open them. This was a common feeling after a moon, though it was actually the result of sleeping potions Madame Pomfrey made him swallow after she triaged his recovery. He lay still, taking in the various aches and pains in his body. Left shoulder. Sharp pain, likely a graze or cut. Right shin, dull pain. Probably a bruise or healing break. Most of his abdomen. Numb. Whatever had happened there, it seemed likely that it was bad. The numbness was most likely one of the very foul-smelling poultices Madame Pomfrey applied when she didn't know what else to administer. The rest of his body felt blotchy, like parts of it were covered in grazes. He was used to being fairly riddled with claw marks each month though, and aside from the abdomen he thought it probably wasn’t too bad. </p><p>With some effort, he sniffed slightly. The smell of the mystery poultice was obnoxious, but he thought it probably wasn’t too strong for non-werewolves. He risked opening one eyelid fractionally. It felt like fighting a tsunami of sleep, and he did not feel vindicated when bright white light shone in. </p><p>A dark, face-shaped blob appeared directly overhead. Through the small sliver of his open eye he recognised Sirius' dark waves and concerned grey eyes and he fought the urge to let the eyelid drop closed again. </p><p>A hand, cool and smooth slipped gently into his own. </p><p>"Re, are you feeling alright?" Sirius voice was so quiet, Remus thought it might not have been said at all. </p><p>Through a desert-dry mouth, Remus managed to form the words "'M okay" before wheezing and letting the eye close. He gave the hand in his a soft squeeze, and held it until he drifted back into the strange unconsciousness of the sleeping tonic. </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>While Remus slept, Sirius crept back to the Gryffindor tower. He felt wretched, hollow, and guilty. He was repulsed, not by the sight of his friend lying bloody and bruised, but at his own helplessness. He hated seeing Remus like that. He hated the idea of Remus going through it alone even more. </p><p>Trudging into the dorm room, he saw James and Peter sitting together on Peter's bed. James leapt up as Sirius flopped onto James' bed, nearest the door. </p><p>"Did you see Remus yet?" </p><p>Sirius grabbed James' pillow and dropped it onto his face. A muffled yes could be heard through the red and gold lion print. </p><p>"Is he awake?" </p><p>The pillow came hurtling across the room, and Sirius flung himself violently into a seated position. "It was awful. He woke up, but barely. He's.. he's so hurt, and there's just..." He faded off, not able to look up from his hands as they clenched and unclenched in his lap. "It just sucks that he gets into this all the time and we can't HELP." His voice rose. "Why can't we DO ANYTHING? We're his friends, we should be able to FIX it or STOP IT OR SOMETHING!" Sirius felt tears spike in his eyes. </p><p>"Look mate," James said gently, "we'll come up with something. This has gone on long enough. We need to make a plan, something that will really help." </p><p>"If we could get him company, that might stop him getting hurt, right?" Peter looked up at James and Sirius imploringly. “It said in that book that it’s not bad as bad when there’s other wolves, like a pack.” Sirius glared at Peter. </p><p>“Oh and you just know a pack-load of friendly werewolves, do you Pete?”</p><p>"You know that isn't what he meant Siri," James soothed. "We can't go out there though, can we? He'd just turn us all, and then we'd be in much worse trouble. There has to be a way to find him someone to have along as company, maybe like a toy, or a pet maybe.”</p><p>Sirius switched off and flopped back down onto his bed. He hated thinking about Remus as a werewolf. He hated the thought of not being able to touch Remus, or talk to him and connect. He hated that Remus as a wolf might feel pain, especially the awful, keening pain of loneliness that Sirius had felt so often in his childhood. Sirius was determined. He would do something, he just had to figure out what that something could be. </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>Remus was in the hospital wing for an extra night, and all of the next day. The wounds in his abdomen had been deep, but it seemed that the damage was mostly internal, and Remus found that the scars that formed were actually quite fine, unlike some of the gnarlier ones across his back and inside his right thigh. </p><p>While he eased back into classes, aided by James and Peter subtly passing him hints and tips, he couldn’t help feeling that Sirius was avoiding him. Every time Remus glanced at the dark-haired boy, he was buried in some book or other, apparently reading like no-one had ever read before. If Remus managed to catch his eye, Sirius’ own grey eyes would flash quickly away from Remus, and he’d fidget uncomfortably.</p><p>At least James and Peter were helping. The two of them were a great distraction from Sirius in class, and they took turns keeping him company after classes. In fact, they seemed intent on never leaving Remus alone. Initially, Remus wasn’t sure he’d noticed correctly, was sure he was imagining their attentions. But on the Thursday following the full moon, he’d had enough. </p><p>“James, I swear to Godric and all the house elves in Hogwarts, if you check the time once more, I am going to hex you.” Remus looked up from the History of Magic essay he was working on.</p><p>“Sorry, Re, but Pete -“ James caught himself, but his ears turned red and he blushed furiously behind his thick glasses. He stared at his own essay which barely seemed to have grown in the last half hour. </p><p>“Pete what?”</p><p>“… Er, nothing. Pete was… Um.”</p><p>Remus let out a heavy sigh, just as Peter came bursting into the common room, looking worried. James leapt up as Sirius also shoved his way in, looking extremely tense and not a little frustrated. </p><p>“What is going on?” Remus looked blankly between the three boys, who seemed to all be looking at each other as if hoping their eyes would communicate for their mouths.</p><p>“I said, what’s going on?” Remus repeated, his voice rising unconsciously.</p><p>“It’s no good.” Sirius said cryptically, throwing his book bag on the floor next to an armchair and flopping into it. “We’ve looked everywhere.”</p><p>“Looked for what?” Remus demanded. This was the most Sirius had spoken to him since he’d got out of the hospital wing, and he certainly wasn’t going to miss the chance to catch up with what ever seemed to be going on.</p><p>Sirius’ head rolled back and tilted toward Remus, giving him a calculated look. Remus shifted uncomfortably under he grey gaze and glanced and Peter, who was flushed, and James, who just sighed. </p><p>“We’re sick of you coming backing looking like someone’s punching bag, Remus.” He said, matter of factly. “It really hurts to see you like that, so we… sort of decided to see what we could do. Like, to help you. So you aren’t hurt anymore.” </p><p>Remus blinked. “There isn’t anything you can do, though. I can’t help it, when I’m a wolf I just want to rip things and run and I hate being trapped and that’s why I hurt myself. But I have to be trapped, to keep everyone safe.” </p><p>“Yeah, we know,” Sirius had closed his eyes and rested back in his chair. “But we thought there must have been something, or someone, who had ideas about how to make it better for you. Except we looked, all week, and there’s nothing.” He spat the last word with disgust. </p><p>“Yeah, it seems like most of the research people have done about werewolves is about how to kill them, or just contain them.” James looked at Remus apologetically. “Sorry mate, we did try.” </p><p>Peter joined Sirius by the fire, and as he stared into the flames, he said wistfully, “it’s a shame we don’t have a dog. When I had moaning flu two summers ago, I cuddled my Auntie’s dog the whole time, and it made me feel so much less alone. I bet the wolf would like to have a friend like a dog.” </p><p>“You guys did all that research for me?” Remus was flabbergasted. He gaped at Sirius. “That’s why you were avoiding me?”</p><p>Sirius sniffed. “I wasn’t avoiding you, I was <em>thinking objectively</em>,” Sirius quoted one of McGonagall’s favourite lines. “Staying focused, and all that.”</p><p>Despite their search not turning up anything they deemed useful, Remus was heartily touched by their collective effort, and felt better than he had all week. </p><p>“Well, maybe we should focus on something else, instead,” Remus suggested slyly. “I’ve been thinking about that invisibility cloak, and the soap Frank was talking about in the Prefect’s bathroom.” </p><p>Everyone seemed to perk up at that, and they huddled together by the fire, concocting a brilliant plan, which they would go on to execute so perfectly that Prefect Frank Longbottom would definitely end up regretting his involvement, had he known for a second that he had been the inspiration behind it. </p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>Shortly after the Great Bubble Expansion Prank, Peter and James had a very fortunate run in with their Head of House. </p><p>All four boys were thoroughly enjoying a transfiguration class. They had all managed to turn their ink pots into mice, but it was nearly the end of the lesson and Peter was struggling to reverse his incantation. </p><p>“Can’t I just keep him, Professor? I haven’t got any other pets.”</p><p>“Absolutely not, Mr Pettigrew, that is not a real mouse. It has absolutely none of the intelligence of a real mouse, and it will simply return to its original form when the spell weakens and you will douse yourself in ink. Practice! You will manage, I’m sure.” </p><p>Peter groaned and made another weak attempt. </p><p>Sirius had transfigured his ink pot, spare quill, and an assortment of study debris into a small fleet of semi-realistic mice, which now seemed to be clawing their way up Peter’s leg. </p><p>Remus gave Sirius a withering look and set about un-transfiguring the objects at about the same rate as Sirius was re-transfiguring them. </p><p>“Professor, are you a real cat when you transform?” James looked at her curiously, ignoring the antics of the boys seated behind him and to his right. </p><p>“That is a very different sort of magic, Mr Potter. Yes, as an animagus, I really do become a cat, and unlike these mice, which are ink pots and therefore look but do not think like mice, I retain my own mind.” </p><p>“Do other cats know you’re a witch while you’re transformed?” James was listening eagerly, drinking in every word. </p><p>“I believe they are divided on the subject. Some seem to know, and not trust me, others seem to not care, and some seem… curious. I suppose animals must have the capacity to decide for themselves whether or not to trust magical beings in odd forms.”</p><p>James nodded, thinking furiously, as McGonagall turned her eyes to Sirius, Peter and Remus, who between them had a small army of mouse-like creatures in a constantly revolving state of object-animal. </p><p>“I think you three have had enough practise for today,” she said, flicking her wand and causing all the mice to return to their original form. Returning to the front of the room, she addressed the class. “I expect you all to read up on the theory of glass transfiguration before next lesson.” </p><p>And with that, she dismissed them. </p><p>“Eugh, glass transfiguration. I bet that means a quiz,” Sirius scowled. “What’s up with you?” He asked James, pointedly. James wore a grin that split his face almost in two, and scrunched up the corners of his eyes. </p><p>“Tell ya later,” he whispered back, winking and hurrying to catch up with Peter and Remus.</p><p> </p><p>____________ </p><p> </p><p>Herbology seemed to be where Remus was having a lot of epiphanies these days. Perhaps it was the slightly mysterious quality to the light in the greenhouses. Or the gorgeous, year-round warmth which Remus adored. Maybe it was the earthy comforts, the terracotta pots and cosy garden aesthetic he loved. Either way, Remus felt at home in Herbology, and it was his favourite subject. He found it easy enough that he always found himself with plenty of room to let his mind wander without distracting from the task at hand. </p><p>Today, he was adding fresh compost to a planter box of young mandrakes. There was no need to fully remove the sleepy root babies from the earth, so they were safe to work without earmuffs. They just had to be gentle as they folded the compost in around the immature plants. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were working at one planter box, while James had been grouped with Lily and Marlene. </p><p>“James, I said not so deep!” Lily reprimanded, again. “You’ll hurt their sub-root structure.”</p><p>“Piss off Evans, I’m barely even digging. We won’t finish the box unless you get a wriggle on!” </p><p>Peter muttered “Bet he’s enjoying that!”</p><p>“Yeah Potter always gets to work with the girls, and I always end up with you lumps.” Sirius tossed his trowel on the ground next to him. “I’d much rather be in a group with Dorcas. She’s tough, and hot.” </p><p>“Dorcas! She’s nowhere near as hot as Amber Roulleigh,” said Peter, sighing wistfully. “Who would you rather be paired with Remy?” He continued idly.</p><p><em>Isaac Denton.</em> Remus paled at the though that snuck up on him.</p><p>“Oh, um, I suppose Midge Hasselthwaite is the best at Herbology in our year.”</p><p>Sirius flicked a piece of dirt toward Remus, and he blinked as it bounced off his nose. </p><p>“No, you dolt, who d’you reckon is the hottest? It’s not about how good they are at lessons.”</p><p>
  <em>Ah. Isaac. Definitely Isaac. </em>
</p><p>“Oh yeah, I guess Amber then.” </p><p>“Honestly, Re, do you even like girls?” Sirius looked offended by Remus' lacklustre response.</p><p>“Um. Yeah, I guess. I don’t want to kiss them or anything. But I like Lily, and Marlene.” </p><p>Sirius shrugged. “I don’t want to kiss Marlene, but I’d definitely snog Dorcas. Or Lucille Arbey, from Ravenclaw. She’s badass. But not Amber, she’s too cutesy and stuff.” </p><p>Peter stared at Sirius. “Lucille is older than us though. She’s dating Marcus Denton!”</p><p>“Exactly,” Sirius ginned slyly. “I know she has good taste.”</p><p>At the mention of Isaac’s older brother, Remus grew flushed again. He was starting to seriously think there might be something to Lily’s words, that night, months ago in the library. </p><p>
  <em>Boys can date boys.</em>
</p><p>He swallowed. </p><p><em>Remus Lupin, you are GAY.</em> Internally, he shuddered. <em>I’m gay. I like boys, and I’m gay. </em>That settled it, he was never, ever, going to talk about his feelings. Imagine the horror, having to sleep in a boys’ dorm, if they knew.</p><p> </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, Remus was struggling to sleep. The moon was approaching again, and now, in addition to his wolf-secret, he was grappling with another, possibly bigger secret. He didn’t really think his friends would mind, not since they’d responded so kindly to his being a werewolf. But he’d spent so long denying who he was, and he’d finally felt relieved when he’d come clean to them. How could he burden them with another ridiculous reminder that he was different? As he tossed and turned, the thoughts spun round and round in his mind. Should he tell them? Or leave it? Could anyone love a gay werewolf? Seriously? Spinning hazily toward sleep, Remus didn’t hear Sirius, James, and Peter each creep softly out of their dorm, and into the common room. </p><p>“Alright, lads. It’s time. What do you reckon?” James was perched on the arm of the chair nearest the fire, chairing the midnight meeting with uncharacteristic sombreness. “It could take ages. And we’ll need to brew a potion, in secret, and there’ll be stealing, and hiding, and probably lots of late nights and really hard spells.”</p><p>“We know, James. We read the books.” </p><p>“Do you think we’ll get in trouble, though?”</p><p>“Nah Petey, we’ll hide everything under our beds. Or something. We’ll find a place for whatever we need, surely. Besides, mate, it was your idea!” James grinned. </p><p>Peter’s mouth dropped open. “I - was it?” </p><p>“Yep. You said we needed to get Remus a pet. So I was going to suggest we transfigure something into a dog, but then McGonagall said transfigured objects are just objects under a spell. An Animagus is a real animal.”  He took a deep steadying breath. “So. Yes, we become amazing wizard slash animals or no, we stay boring non-animal people?”</p><p>“Well when you put it like that, Jamie old mate, I’m bloody in!” </p><p>“‘Course you are, Sirius good lad! Pete?”</p><p>“I - I think so. Yes!” </p><p>“Excellent doing business with you gents. Now as I’m sure you’re aware, we absolutely must keep this a secret. Not even our Moony can know. Not yet. Not til we have everything ready.”</p><p>“Our what?”</p><p>“Our Moony. Remus. Our friend with the furry little problem. Y’know - howls at the moon and such.”</p><p>“You don’t want us to tell Remus?”</p><p>“Not til we’re ready, Siri. He’ll just panic. He already doesn’t like having to use the notes we give him, how much d’you reckon he’ll hate us getting ready for this?”</p><p>“You want us to call him Moony?” </p><p>“Well, yes, Pete. I thought it might be a bit cooler if we all had code names, see. You can have one too, once you’re an Animagus.” </p><p>“… Wicked!”</p><p>“Watch it Pete, you don’t know what your animal form is yet.” Sirius grinned evilly. "You might be a snail or a fruitfly or something really tragic.”</p><p>“Right,” James agreed, nodding enthusiastically. “We can’t get our hopes up. It sounds like you become an animal that resembles your dominant traits, which means Sirius will probably become a family-abandoning twat, and I’ll most likely be a brilliant golden eagle or something. Hard to say, but definitely something majestic.”</p><p>Sirius flung a cushion at him. </p><p>“I guess what we need to do now is make a list of everything we need. Then we can try to get it all together over summer.”</p><p>“I bet my parents will have heaps of dodgy supplies in their potion supplies, I can nick that stuff from home.” </p><p>“I’m going to France this summer with my parents, maybe I can get some stuff there, too.”</p><p>“Great! Let’s meet up in the library after dinner tomorrow and we can make the list while Moony is away. He’ll be so impressed when we all transfigure out of nowhere.”</p><p> </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p>Remus felt like his head was made of lead. He felt hungry and repulsed by the idea of food, and he was not looking forward to lunch. </p><p>“You look awful, Re.” </p><p>“Thank you Sirius, I appreciate your honesty.”</p><p>“Really, Re, should you be here?” </p><p>Remus stared back at Sirius, deadpan. “Not really, no. But Dumbledore seemed to think it was safe enough.”</p><p>“I meant in class, dick head.” </p><p>“Mr Black!” McGonagall’s eyes fixed on the pair. “I trust you are discussing something critically important in my class, while I am giving you very useful instructions to complete your assignment.”</p><p>“Remus was just saying he’s not feeling well, Professor. Too much Whip-snappling Fizzbit’s Chocolate Bark, he reckons.” Sirius was the picture of angelic innocence.</p><p>McGonagall peered over the top of her glasses. “Very well. Mr Lupin, go directly to the Hospital Wing. In future, I expect you to practice better self control around sweets. Mr Black, you will take Mr Lupin his assignment later.”</p><p>Remus glared at Sirius as he packed his things, furious at having been called out for being too weak to be in class. And, he definitely was too weak to be in class. Still, he didn’t want Sirius, or anyone, fighting his battles for him. Sirius just shrugged, looking straight back at him, with a mixture of teasing and fondness in his eyes. </p><p>Remus couldn’t help savouring that look as he made his way up to the Hospital Wing. Those moments were what kept him company while he waited for the transformation to start, and he clung to them when he woke up, alone, out in the shack under the Whomping Willow. </p><p> </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p>It was another difficult transformation. </p><p>Remus woke with pain searing across his collarbone and neck. Damn. That would be tricky to cover in his school robes. He could also feel some serious bruising round his ankle, probably enough to keep him bedridden for at least a day. </p><p>His right hand was strangely cool, so he attempted a small movement. </p><p>The cool hand in his squeezed back tightly. “I’m here Moony. I’m here.” </p><p>
  <em>Sirius. </em>
</p><p>“Mmm,” Remus cleared his throat, painfully, but didn’t open his eyes. “Mmoony?” </p><p>“James reckons you need a code name. We’re all going to get them, after - after we do something brilliant, to deserve one…”</p><p>“Mmm. Sounds lame.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you’re not exactly in fit condition to fight it are you <em>Moony</em>? Thought I’d let you know what you’re in for.”</p><p>Remus gave in to a coughing fit, and Sirius pressed a straw to his mouth. </p><p>“You can’t move your head yet, but Madame Pomfrey said you can drink this.”</p><p>Remus gulped gratefully at the straw, despite the foul taste of sleeping potion. </p><p>As he drank, he managed to force his eyes open, and was greeted by Sirius’ gorgeous silver-grey eyes. </p><p>“Thanks Siri.”</p><p>“Anything for our Moony,” Sirius winked, and gave Remus’ hand another squeeze. “Sleep well, Re.”</p><p>Remus sighed and let his eyes close again. He had such good friends. Sirius, James, Pete. They cared about him heaps, clearly. It brought butterflies into his stomach to think about Sirius waiting right there until he woke up. </p><p>Sirius stayed, holding Remus’ hand until Pomfrey shooed him away to dinner. Sirius went gladly, stiff from sitting so long, but buoyed by the knowledge that they had a Plan, and that upstairs, in his trunk, was his section of the List. They’d made it last night in the library, and Sirius was pretty sure he could get most of the things easily. Or not easily, but that had never stopped him before. </p><p>He was going to make everything better for his friend.</p>
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